Aquarian Nights - 05/05/2019

Last night I got randomly roped in to a very 11th house situation: going to the club with my new Aquarius friend. Peculiar situation for an introvert, and a peculiar situation is always one to pay attention to.

Mark it down as an Aquarian-themed night. and if Aquarius is the outer theme then the lesson must be for the inner Leo (law of polarity and law of correspondences).

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("transit Venus trine chiron")

Anyway, clubs usually aren't my thing, because I hate club music and club people since they all seem shallow to me. Clubs are about standing around looking like an idiot while trying to get laid. But me and my friend went there... me going in thinking we'd just be the assholes standing in the corner trying to get laid. But that wasn't the energy. for the first time going to a club I ditched all the pessimism and insecurities, dropped the feeling that I was out of place, and just danced myself into a trance without worrying what anyone was thinking. I felt like a new person, the only person in that building.

And I realized that I didn't hate club music or club people---I was theirs now, I was one of them. I had just hated something about myself this whole time, my own insecurities had been projected onto them this whole time, my own fear of looking stupid made me want to see them all as stupid. But really they were all beautiful unique expressions of something divine (or something like that).

And then today I realized that, as Venus is trining my Leo chiron as of yesterday, that it was her leading him specifically into the center of the crowd and showing him that it's OK to be himself and shine without worrying what people think, dancing with him. And when you're hand-picked by Venus to dance with her you're dancing in Heaven where no one can pull you down (but yourself).

It was a healing aspect for an old wound. And now I won a step up the ladder. I could feel myself more connected to people I had contempt for, because I had less contempt for myself after this chiron transformation. I was allowed to feel self-love and that love became outward love.

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("Transit moon square chiron")

But then there was also the transit moon squaring my chiron, meaning:

"either you are reminded of old wounds by some incident, or a sore point is disturbed again".

I was initiated into their circle but I still had a lesson to learn. And it would be a painful one to my ego, but out of pain comes growth.

Well, so I was feeling lit. My Leo was out of its shell, I was dancing with anyone and hopping from group to group as everyone gave me happy looks. But my Leo was still just fresh out the shell and still a little scared.

There were actually some dance circles on the club floor where people were "battling" each other. Everyone was showing their moves and I wanted to show mine. So I jumped in. But all eyes on me is a scary situation. So I froze up----deer in headlights. I froze up and did some ironic dance moves to make a joke out of the thing, but it just made everyone feel awkward. The dance circle disappeared And when I got back to my Aquarius friend he said, "now you look like an asshole."

well, I felt embarrassed, but chopped it up to a vague life lesson. Then, my friend, being an Aquarius, made me think of Uranus, and then it hit me that it was my Moon-square-Uranus in that dance circle that stepped in as a defense mechanism.

("even though you may not consciously intend to, you can shock and upset others with your odd behaviors and tendencies")

My Leo chiron ran away and my Moon-square-Uranus said, "don't sweat it, this whole thing is stupid, we'll show them how dumb THEY look doing these stupid dances.---Hey don't you guys know you're stopping everyone else from having a good time?" But really it was just making an asshole out of itself. This paradoxical tension of wanting to be connected but also being afraid of rejection.

So I guess in return Leo gave me a lesson for my inner Aquarius as well. that Uranus' dark side has a tendency to make you purposely alienate yourself as a defense mechanism. And so now I'll be more aware of this so that I can be keep transforming myself positively. There is always something good that comes out of something negative.

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Anyway, the night was great and a transformation of who I am at my psychological core. (It would be considering transit pluto is sextiling my natal pluto). I just thought it was interesting, seeing more of how the planetary energies literally manifest themselves in every experience we have, and every person we encounter. I feel like a newer person for understanding the experience for what it was. And I figure this is part of what Jung means by being a whole person. Encountering and looking at experiences without judgment.